| a completly horrible weekend at the new place:
“As Lutheran brothers, we teach and believe, that in this bread and in this wine, we receive the body and blood of our lord, Jesus the Christ, and therefore receive his forgiveness. If you are baptized and believe this along with us, we invite you to share the communion feast with us.”
Happy Easter.
Today has been/is going to be one of the worst days of my life. From my numerous previous writings, anyone reading this probably knows about my conflict surrounding the church; well, I haven’t been in over a month, but today my parents decided that it was necessary for me to be there. However, I did refuse to share in the communion which makes my pastor unhappy, which causes me to feel guilt. So my day started off on a bad note, only for us to visit our new house.
Fortunately for me, guard and work has allowed me the opportunity to miss every previous visit that my family has taken to new house. However, for the next three days, today being the first, I will be stuck in this place, far from anywhere I have ever called home. And since I have not made a deep reflection for quite a while, and since I am sick enough with the church for the meantime, I will reflect upon this further.
As a child I always considered to have two homes, one in Delaware where I was born and raised, but another on the shores of Lake Muscoka, in Ontario where my grandmother lived. I have spent enough of my childhood there that I had always looked at returning here as returning home. And although my home in Delaware has changed on several occasions, this home has never been taken from me. But in another sense, my home in Delaware has never been taken from me either, although it has moved locations from time to time, I always had the friends that I had grown up with my entire life still there.
I must state that the main reason I was able to carry out my notion of having two homes. As of right now, I am currently cut off from the internet, or any book of choice so I am unable to give the Webster definition of “home” although I can, with some certainty, assure you it is probably some bullshit. However, I can define home to be a place of belonging, a place where one can feel comfortable, a place where one feels ready to live each of his days to the highest potential. Every time I had moved in Delaware, I continued to have this feeling of home; I was able to make friends through school and was able to stay in contact with my old friends; lets face it, Delaware, especially NCC, is a very small place.
But, when I came upon the house for the first time, I didn’t get the feeling of coming home; in fact, I got the feeling that you get when you go to stay with an uncle that you particularly don’t like for a few days, and all you want to do is leave and go home. So here I am, sitting on the floor of my new cubical for a room, writing this, even though it will not be posted for quite a while. All I know is that I am not happy here, and although I did not reflect as well as I had stated I would, I feel satisfied in showing my disliking for this new place. I can’t wait to be back in Delaware, and to be able to see all of you again. |
